To begin with let’s first identity the symptoms of being a people pleaser.
- You don’t actually know what you want, and agrees to what others say.
- You have an unconscious desire to be always loved and appreciated by others.
- You cannot say “NO” to others as you fear to be disliked or hated.
- You keep your priorities at bay for others tasks.
- You always want to be nice and helpful to people.
- You don’t share your option as you think it might be wrong.
Many of you can easily relate to all these symptoms. You should not confuse serving or helping people with people pleasing, as serving people include helping them in their difficult times with financial or emotional help.
You were going to hit gym in evening and one of your good friend asks you to join for coffee and just not to make him feel bad you sacrifice your gym time. Instead you could have simply said that you have plans for this evening. People pleasing is no less than a disease because you feel burdened trying to keep every one happy. You unwillingly say yes to things or tasks which are of no interest to, so you have to juggle between hundred of other tasks for it.
LEARN TO SAY “NO” WITHOUT HURTING ANYONE
SAY “NO” DIRECTLY WITH CONFIDENT BODY LANGUAGE
Are you coming with us for the event?” Deep inside you want to say no but due to feeling of being isolated or judged you cannot say no. Simple rule is to say No directly without making silly excuses, just be clear in thoughts. You can refuse by using “Sorry I cannot help you with this or you can use “Thank you for asking, but it’s not convenient right now. Remember, you need not to apologize for saying no as you are not asking permission to say no.
TRY SUGGESTING OTHER ALTERNATIVES
You can offer them help by suggesting other better alternatives related to situation. This is how you will prove to be useful for them without wasting much time.
STOP FEELING GUILTY
Remember if someone has right to ask for favor, you have equal right to say no. Consider your priorities first and then decide whether you are interested to say “yes” or “No”. You cannot please everyone every time; its like touching a rainbow.
LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TURNING DOWN A SITUATION AND PERSON
If your friends or family member asks for a favor and you are not in situation to say yes, then it simply means your are turning down a situation not that person or some relationship. Don’t feel bad about saying no.
STOP FEARING BEING HATED OR JUDGED
It really feels difficult at first, because everyone fears to be hated or left alone, but you need to overcome this fear by valuing yourself and respecting your needs. You need to practice by saying no in mirror. This will boost your confidence and helps you trust your instincts.